im done with wordpress.

am now back to the original makanrojak.blogspot.com

because i feel like it, because blogspot caters for my needs and because blogspot gives out way more lollies.

see you there.

hmmm.  

have this urge to move back to good ol blogger.com. realised that wordpress is not as user friendly as i thought it would be. or perhaps someone like myself, with such low levels of intelligence, should be fiddling with myself rather than fiddling with complex programs like wordpress.

hmmm.

*fiddles self*

instead of attending to adrenaline packed traumas last night, i saw a patient who actually came for the most ridiculous problem.

“how can i help you?”

“oh, just wanted to ask for your opinion on whether i should start having children or not.”

hmmm.

and this was close to five in the morning.

with her intelligence on par with an expired packet of potato chips, the answer is obvious.

which leads me to some questions thats bothering me. was there suddenly a tax imposed on alcohol last night? did a rogue viking ship dock and unleash a horde of thirsty scandinavians last night? if the answer to the above questions is no, then can someone please tell me why there wasnt a single drunk fuck induced trauma last night? did everybody suddenly become responsible? boo hoo.

no lollies for figuring that it was a boring friday night.

cibai. got my first complaint letter, and like everyone else at the receiving end of such nonsense, i want to say that…its not my fault! but i suppose it’s inevitable, i see well over thirty whining patients a single day in the ed, and ive been there for six months. and if your intelligence is perhaps a fraction better than a retarded half eaten pau, then perhaps you can calculate that ive had about five thousand and five hundred screaming and whining patients spilling their shit in front of me. surely one will complain. and i will say it again…its not my fault!

cibai.

i knew she was a dodgy one. she has been coming to the ed over the years for the very life threatening and rare disease called backache. oohh, strikes fear in all of us. id rather be sitting in the clinic being infused with toxic chemotherapy for my metastatic liver cancer, feeling depressed and have some rabied dog chew on my right testicle at the same time than suffer the consequences of backache. and of course, she is also allergic to every damn fucking painkiller except the opioids. arent they all!

anyway, bless the relevant gods that she didnt have backache at that time, instead, this mother of a bitch came to see me for another life threatening and rare disease called “my pet dog bit my ankle”. now, ill reiterate that i’d rather be sitting in the clinic being infused with toxic chemotherapy for my metastatic liver cancer, feeling depressed, have some rabied dog chew on my right testicle AND a jackhammer vibrating up my ass than suffer the consequences of “my pet dog bit my ankle”! bad disease to have. bad. bad.

so fine, surprise surprise, there indeed was a bite wound on her ankle. looked very innocent, save maybe for some mild surrounding cellulitis which i decided to treat with some antibiotics. chop chop and out she goes, or as we would say in emergency medicine, she was disposed. har har.

then by the horrors of horrors, i discovered i made a mistake by prescribing her a drug she was allergic to. as mentioned before, her allergy list is for the lack of a better word, shocking. rolling the mouse over the allergy icon for this bitch is like being slapped repeatedly by a pair of watermelon tits, it wakes you up and instills a sense of shock and awe in you. and somewhere amongst all the clutter, typed in short form was the antibiotic class i just prescribed. no fear. i trotted and skipped like happy bambi to the pharmacy to have the prescription changed before it was dispensed and apologised to her for the mistake. chop chop and out she goes, for real this time.

but apparently not. cibai. that bitch wrote in a complaint that she could potentially have been dead because i prescribed an allergic drug. but i changed it! i apologised! and going by her warped line of thinking, didnt i save her life then since i actually prevented potential death by changing the drug on time? crazy!

my first complaint letter! cibai. guess i should be lucky she cannot take any action because after all, no harm was done, but seriously! ungrateful bitch. i wish her a life of backache!

am about to leave for the night shift. a friday night at the ed beckons. i love friday nights and i love alcohol because that combination on irresponsible fuckers would give me things to do and learn. more traumas! so to all you fuckers out there thinking of having a friday night out, please drink and drive. please, i cannot emphasize this any more. drink and drive people. and when you do (and will) get into an accident, please dont die on the spot. come to our friendly ed and we would love to activate the trauma code where our friendly doctors would have a field day learning how to put in chest tubes, intubations, resuscitation, abdominal ultrasounds, intepreting challenging ct scans and xrays and the like. who needs textbooks when we have a whole population of young irresponsible people? fun for the whole family, finger licking good.

drink and drive people. drink! drive!

and crash.

or if youre too young to drive, all is not lost. no fear, you can still contribute to our learning process. you could drink and provoke a bunch of mean looking people who will beat you silly. if theyre holding weapons, all the better. try to find someone with a gun, havent seen a gunshot wound before. try cursing their mothers or better still, go pinch their girlfriends ass. pinch hard. but again, please, please dont expire on the spot, dont give the paramedics all the fun. come to our friendly ed and we will have f.., err, i mean we will save you. hopefully.

have a good friday night people.

sorry for the whining.

0231 hours

the regret starts now.

didn’t plan to fly my ass home to kl this chinese new year, but the sheer power of mummy’s nagging is not to be underestimated. spent less than 48 hours in kl and by some voodoo miracle, managed to squeeze in a host of activities. all this points towards a future of impromptu flights home to attend various friendly gatherings or events. and if ever the direct singapore kl (and vice versa) airspace route is opened to the budget carriers…shit, i’ll even fly home for a home cooked meal!

no point to this post. just some brownie points for my blogging efforts.

sometimes amidst all the shit that’s happening around the ed, it takes a couple of silly people to put a smile on my face. here are a couple of retards i saw last night….

“doctor! a black fly drowned in my cereal this morning! i feel funny in the tummy.”

 hmmm. it gets worse.

“doctor! my panties are infested with ants! do i have diabetes?”

hmmm. this was before she wanted to show me her panties. in a plastic bag.

and the best of the lot…from an elderly chinese gentleman.

“doctor! i’ve got a uti!”

“uti? how do you know? painful when you pee?”

“oh. this stranger i met in chinatown tasted my semen off my cock and said it tasted funny. surely it’s an uti. no one told me it tasted funny before.”

!!

and he said it so casually without even a blink or blush.

singapore, such a small country, so many fucked up people roaming around. i’m not complaining though. makes the night shift a little more interesting.

it has been wet these days. can imagine how that would sound to someone who’s incontinent, but being politically correct is not one of my stronger points. have recently discovered a cute little chef of sorts called rachel ray. she’s been around for sometime and god knows where i’ve been hiding to have not heard of her earlier. her recipes sound practical, and quick. she uses can food in her recipes for god’s sake! and if that’s not practical, i don’t know what is. seems like she’s the cuter, sexier and younger version of martha steward, which i can definately appreciate. shall be trying some of her recipes. enough of mcds and kfcs and pizza huts for me.

and i finally found the dancing mumbles. yay. fun for the whole family finger licking good. good ol carrefour never lets me down. fuck toysrus. not even a phonecall from them. bastards.

so tomorrow i embark upon my virgin locum job outside of the hospital clusters. fun for the whole family, finger licking good. is it legal? i don’t know. everyone is doing it. what’s even more exciting that it’s going to be a pediatric clinic. i haven’t done pediatrics since medical school, so here’s a plea to all you mothers out there that cares for a parasite (s) that’s between the ages one day to fourteen years - keep the hell out of the clinics. just let me sit in the consultation room to surf the net, shake my legs and scratch the odd itch. actually, i’m good with kids. i’m pretty darn good with the animal and flying airplane sounds and they go crazy. this is based on my experience with my kid/baby cousins by the way. hah. but that doesn’t mean i will be a good kid doctor. we shall see.

on a lighter note, i saw three interesting patients today…

vomitting blood

facial droop

tummy pain

hilarious shit. hope you can appreciate it.

managed to catch the long awaited open season. was enthralled by the previews, salivating like one of pavlov’s bitches at the mere mention of it. and rightly so, because the previews were more entertaining than the movie itself. those marketing bastards took all the good bits of the movie and shamelessly used it for the previews. what a bunch of cock teasers. my mood during the movie deteoriated from excitement (much like a bunch of schoolgirls having caught sight of beckham’s crotch) at the beginning to boredom as the movie progressed, and wishing very very hard that i was home picking out belly button lint instead. bad. realised then that animated movies can actually stink. it used to be that animated shows were a little more exotic, there were few and far in between and when they do appear, they’re excellent. now animated movies are copulating like rabbits and they’re everywhere, so i guess it’s inevitable that quality has to be compromised. boo hoo.

in other news, house-hunting season has started. lease ends in february next year and the tedious process of looking for a new place is getting underway, albeit a little arthritic turtle paced. anyone with a nice renovated hdb flat to lease? we promise not to have any pets.